Discussing Couples Therapy with Your Partner
By Becca Barcom, LCPC
If you’ve been to therapy before and have valued the space to reflect, learn, grow, and experience support, you might appreciate the opportunity to do those same things with your partner. Couples therapy is one way to explore yourself and your relationship with intention and care. There are no relationship requirements to participate in couples therapy. You could be newly dating, engaged, married, or anywhere in between! If there is space for you and your partner to grow together, couples therapy may be a good fit for you.
Before starting couples therapy, it’s important for a couple to discuss the new possibility of attending therapy together. Below are a couple of considerations to think about when exploring couples therapy:
1. What is our timeline for wanting to start therapy?
It’s normal for partners to have varying levels of excitement and nervousness when exploring counseling together. It can be helpful to consider where each of you fall along this continuum. That way, clear expectations can be made for the timeline of starting therapy. Does one person need more time to get used to the idea? Are both of you feeling ready to go? Communicating about these details can decrease anxiety and prevent one partner from feeling pressured when they aren’t quite ready. Couples counseling works best when both partners are mostly willing to be there and feel ready to start the process.
2. What type of therapist are we looking for?
Just like in individual counseling, the fit of your counselor is an important consideration. Discuss with your partner both your individual and combined preferences for a couples therapist. Is there a certain modality we want to seek out? Do we have a gender preference? Do we prefer a particular style in therapists? While you don’t have to fully agree on each aspect, discussing preferences can help you both narrow down the search for a couples therapist by eliminating options that one of you may not feel comfortable with.
3. What might we want to work on or talk about?
In your first couple of sessions, your therapist will get to know both of you and your relationship, as well as collaboratively formulate a treatment plan and goals. However, it can be helpful to think about what main themes you might want to talk about before you arrive. Think about if there are any topics either partner does not feel comfortable discussing. It can still be helpful to let your therapist know that you don’t want to discuss these specific topics- that way they have a better idea of how to best help you. Some common therapy topics include: communication patterns, family-in-law management, childhood traumas and experiences, sex and intimacy, and finances, to name a few. Starting these discussions early before you and your partner need counseling can be a helpful step. That way, as stress arises you both have an idea about each other’s ideas and preferences for finding a couples counselor. As always, feel free to contact our Intake Coordinator at MCSP to ask specific questions about couples counseling or finding a counselor who is the right fit for your relationship.
